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Not a “Dear John,” but close

Consider the jargon in this letter from our soft drink company.

“Strive to improve our productivity and increase our efficiency.”
“Commodity inflation to determine market place (sic) pricing.”
“Enhance our ability to build the strength of our brands.”
“Translate that strength into value for our customers.”
“Working with you to optimize category performance.”

None of which are things I’m seeking. Frankly, all I want is someone who won’t give me three price increases in eight months. I suspect you’ll see a new company’s vending machines here next summer.

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